Came here because I could read your username. Stayed for the story
Hard as nails game designer 2010 - 2018. Now I run a fictional combat league (as you do). Nobody beats the 83457 and all that.
53/53m
Break stuff (QA)
of Rock
Hell, Northern Ireland
Joined on 3/10/08
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Comments
This was really cool! The fight had a good sense of ebb and flow right up to the end, you had me cheering for Lin the whole time. The writing style worked really well too - I think the best way I can describe it is "gory poetry", where it's both gnarly and ornate (especially with lines like "so far into Lin's gut that she could wrap her fingers around her spine if not wearing boxing mitts").
Not a fan of women fighting, especially on a ring. But I enjoyed the writing and the sequence, as well as the way characters are presented. I felt like I needed more of a tension level to match the showdown prompt. Like, maybe if it was the final fight with more reminiscences of previous fights or something like that, so the reader can feel that stakes are high in this one.
Don't you always smiley face my shout out posts? People draw the aforementioned fighter women in those all the time. In fact they usually include a battle royal video of a load of people (mostly women) beating the shit out of each other... IN A RING!!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, whatever the case.
Really good work! The choreography and pacing is really nice, though I do think there are parts that linger for just *slightly* too long. That being said, the fighting is well-done and it's impressive you can make characterization without much dialogue! Good work and thanks for participating! I hope to see you in the next one!
Sheik13LoZ
Had lots of fun reading this! The action was great, loved how it was described, and in the character's voice.